Not All Men, but (Almost) Always a Man

In 2024, the world watched in horror as the trial of Gisèle Pelicot revealed a decade of systematic abuse orchestrated by her husband. Two years later, Germany is faced with a similar case. Collien Fernandes is accusing her ex-husband of distributing AI-generated pornography to other men over fake social media profiles. As these stories are gaining more publicity, the upheaval about systemic sexism and violence against women is great. For many women, these stories are not just news, but rather an extreme reflection of the catcalling and harassment they deal with every single day. As women are sharing their own experiences and advocating for more systemic accountability a common, yet controversial phrase that is spreading on social media is “not all men, but always a man”.

The phrase originated as a response to the “not all men” argument in the 2010s often used to deflect conversations about sexism (Zachau, 2024). It highlights an important distinction: while not every man is a perpetrator and should thereby not be blamed for the actions of others, the statistical reality remains that violence against women is almost always committed by men. The aim of the phrase is thereby to shift the focus away from reassuring individual men that they are not "the bad guy" and back toward the actual issues of women’s safety and structural inequality.

This shift toward collective accountability is supported by cross-cultural studies. Across nearly every culture, men make up the overwhelming majority of known perpetrators, especially of sexual and gendered violence (Reed et al., 2014). In Germany alone, statistics from the federal criminal police office show that the incidence of domestic violence is constantly rising, with 265.942 reported victims in 2024. In the case of intimate partner violence, nearly 80% of reported victims were women, while men made up 77.7% of the suspects, demonstrating a clear gender difference (Bundeskriminalamt, 2025). Even more shockingly, data from 2022 show that 87 % of people killed by intimate partners were women, amounting to 137 women in that year. Meaning one woman was killed roughly every three days by her partner (European Institute for Gender Equality, 2024). For sexual harassment and violence, the pattern is even more gendered. Reports vary strongly, with prevalences of sexual harassment in Germany spanning between 20 and 80%, due to differences in reporting. Nonetheless, women are estimated to be targets more than five times as often as men (Hoebel et al., 2022). Furthermore, as the cases of Pelicot and Fernandes demonstrate, the crime of one man was often encouraged or even just accepted by many more. In the case of Pelicot, 51 men were convicted for raping or sexually assaulting her, with Dominique Pelicot organising the abuse and many others directly participating (Derbyshire & Gozzi, 2026). Similarly, in the case against Christian Ulmen, Fernandes’ ex- husband, the investigation involves allegations that the AI generated imagery was shared and engaged with several men across fraudulent profiles. However, when the phrase is taken literally, issues arise. It is important to note that women also engage in sexual and gendered violence, and the lack of reflective numbers can also be strongly influenced by reporting biases and stigma. Furthermore, even though at lower numbers, men are also victims of sexual and gendered violence. To put it more precisely, the phrase should rather state “not all men, but almost always a man” to accurately depict the reality.

The reasons for these discrepancies are broad and often anchored in structural and social systems. A key contributing factor is socialisation. Gendered socialisation encourages boys to be more aggressive and risktaking and girls to be compliant and relational, patterns that correlate with higher male involvement in violence and delinquency (Najström et al., 2026).
While the relative contributions of biological and social factors remain debated, the cross-cultural consistency of these patterns suggest that socialisation is a significant driver. These norms persist into adulthood, associating masculinity with dominance, toughness, and a willingness to use force (O’Donnell et al., 2024).
These norms do not remain confined to individual behaviour but are also embedded in institutional structures. Fernandes’ critique of Germany as a 'Täterparadies' (perpetrators paradise) highlights a legal and social system that reinforces this imbalance (Tagesschau, 2026). High burdens of proof and straining, expensive trials often prioritise the reputation of the accused over the safety of the victim. This institutional culture, in turn, shapes how victimhood is experienced and reported. Falling victim to abuse or sexualised violence remains a source of shame rather than a recognised violation of rights, making reporting emotionally and socially demanding (Wieberneit et al., 2024). In particular, men who experience victimisation, especially at the hands of female perpetrators, may face additional stigma because they are socialised to embody strength and emotional restraint. This expectation discourages disclosure and supportseeking, reinforcing underreporting and leaving male victims relatively invisible in statistics, public discourse and many policy responses.

In conclusion, while structural sexism and oppression persist, "not all men, but (almost) always a man" is more than a provocation; it is rather a summary of what the data consistently show. The cases of Pelicot and Fernandes are extreme, but they are not anomalies. They are the visible end of a pattern that the statistics make hard to dismiss. Acknowledging that women can be perpetrators and men can be victims does not weaken this conclusion. Instead, it sharpens it, because even accounting for these nuances, the gendered disparity remains. What the phrase demands is not that every man accept personal guilt, but that society stop treating the pattern as a series of isolated incidents and underlying mechanisms and causes are addressed. As Gisele Pelicot herself wrote in her book A Hymn to Life (2026):

"It's not courage, but willpower and determination to change this patriarchal and sexist society."

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